Weight a Minute
I've been fat most of my life. Not as a small kid but I hit puberty at nine and starting growing up and out. I used food as a crutch, I feared my blossoming body. I was depressed, scared, and had suffered abuse. Food kept me alive, it made me feel something. But it took it's toll. It wasnt until I was in my 30s that I learned to accept my body and what it could do. I am an avid walker, I can twirl with the best of them, at every physical my blood work comes back just fine. But in the past 2 and a half years, I put on another 30 pounds. That wasnt good.
My knees started to hurt, my foot was bothering me, I never wanted to walk unless I had to and I got more depressed as I carried more weight both literally and figuratively. I made some hard decisions over the past 6 months as I went from caring full time for my mother to putting her in nursing care. I had to leave my childhood home and find an apartment. I struggled at work, I struggled in life, and the weight hung around my neck like an anchor. I was drowning. So I made a decision.
It's time to get back to my comfy fat. I'm doing it the way I always have, walking. I'm breaking a sweat and I want to get to 10,000 steps by the end of the month. I want to take off the majority of the 30 pounds I put on as the depression hopefully lifts and food is no longer a crutch. I will always love food. I love to cook, eat, and have such joy when I experience food with friends or alone....food is fantastic. But I can live in harmony with my comfy fat and food. I did it for years, its not impossible.
I can still exercise, allow my body to change for the better, and still be fat. It used to be a word used against me, a weapon that wounded me deeply. But its who I am and doesnt take away from the other things I am....a friend, an aunt, a daughter, a writer, a cat mom. Fat is a part of me, it isnt me. And I'm OK with that.